Session 008: I Don't Know - And That's Okay
Banner Photo Source: Bailey Zindel on Unsplash
In today’s meditation class, we talk about the art of being at ease with not knowing.
There are so many things that we do not know or cannot know the answers to. Curiosity is wonderful. Not knowing leads us to quests and adventures. But if the state of not knowing leads us to a state of misery, then we need the art of being at ease with not knowing to help us along.
That's exactly what the presentation was about today. In keeping with the theme of the class, I picked a piece of paper to find out what the topic of today's meditation should be. And I serendipitously selected the one that was blank!
Talk
Guided Meditation: Seeing the Clear Light of the Mind
Stop motion video by Eberhard Grossgasteiger and by Ruvim Miksanskiy from Pexels. Photo by Lightscape.
Bonus Video: On At-Home Retreat, 8 Stages of Jhanas & Ayya Khema
Links/Resources: Here are some useful links and resources that we referred to during the talks.
1. Ayya Khema (The Late German Buddhist Nun)
Playlist 1: https://www.youtube.com/playlist...
This playlist has the content I mentioned about loving-kindness (Video 4 and 5) and Body Scan (Video 6 and 7).
Playlist 2: https://www.youtube.com/playli...
This playlist has lots of content around deep meditative absorptions or jhanas (Videos 2 thru 4). This is the content she made available to everyone because she believed that jhanas should be taught to everyone, not just kept secret in monasteries.
Book: Being Nobody, Going Nowhere: Meditations on the Buddhist Path
Pages 108-111 talk about the eight jhanas and compares them to a house with eight rooms.
2. Ajahn Brahm (British Buddhist Monk)
Book: Mindfulness, Bliss, and Beyond: A Meditator's Handbook
In this book, he describes the steps of learning to meditate as well as getting into deep meditation, especially overcoming the five hindrances (which we covered in our sessions last year). This book is useful for beginners as well as advanced meditators alike.
Book: The Art of Disappearing: Buddha's Path to Lasting Joy
This is where you learn about the deep stages of meditation both from the experience of the Ajahn himself as well as how the Buddha described it.
3. Caroline Myss (American Author & Spiritual Teacher)
Book: Anatomy of the Spirit: The Seven Stages of Power and Healing
Cristof quoted from this book in today's class about letting go of the need to know what happens tomorrow. It's a book that we both want to read and is on our reading list. I have watched some of her videos and incidentally, she talks about St. Theresa of Avila, a Carmelite Nun from Spain who wrote a book called, "The Interior Castle" (also on our reading list). The castle has seven mansions that each gets deeper and deeper closer to God. Ayya Khema has compared St. Theresa's description of the interior castle to the deep meditative stages or jhanas.
Handout
This week we have a 4-page handout with an introspection exercise. We gave it out in today’s class and now is posted below as blog content for you. Plus, you can download it by clicking on the button below:
I Don’t Know - And That’s Okay
Talk + Guided Meditation Session 008: Feb 26th, 2020, by Sophia Ojha Ensslin and Cristof Ensslin
Today, we don’t know what to write about. We are just staring at a blank page. No ideas. No inspiration. There are some topic ideas but we feel not fully prepared to talk about them - jhanas or deep states of meditation. So what do we write about? What do you, our meditators’ group, want us to talk about?
Maybe today, we can talk about not knowing. And about being okay about not knowing. We always want to know and have answers. There is a question in our mind, pop comes the smart phone to research it online. There is no space anymore of being in a state of not knowing.
I remember when I was younger, my father would start talking about a topic. And I would ask him to tell me more about it and he would reply, “You don’t know about this yet?”. And that statement would sting as if me not knowing about something was an indication of some wrongdoing. Or in other situations, he would start off by saying, “You know about xyz, right?” And I would feel a pit in my stomach, as if I showed up to an exam without preparing and so either I was a bad student or simply stupid - both were not allowed in my household.
As an A student throughout my school years, even the teachers expected to see my hand rising up in class to answer questions. Thankfully, most of the time my hand was raised up because I had a question and they graciously responded with answers. It was the only place I felt safe to not know. But outside the classroom, it has taken me a decade to be okay with not knowing about news, current affairs, and the latest movies.
Can you relate to this feeling?
There are so many things that we cannot know about. Some of those things we cannot know because they have not happened yet.
When will we find our new home?
Where will my next client project come from?
How will a 4-day workweek affect my income?
How are my parents going to handle their situation?
How will the election results turn out?
Will the coronavirus come into our neighborhood?
How will the surgery affect my body?
And I am sure you can come up with a handful to add to this list.
There are other things that are just beyond our knowing because they are mysteries or they happened in the past or they belong to the internal world of someone else.
Where did my cat disappear to?
What happened to that dog that we met on vacation when I was 6?
What did my grandmother think about or experience when she was dying? What are my animals thinking about right now?
What is the source of that strange noise in the woods?
We always want to know. And it is certainly wonderful to be curious and inquisitive and engaged in our world to the extent that we want to know and understand how our world works. But when this state of knowing makes us miserable, that’s when we need to put into use the art of being okay with not knowing.
What If We Could Be at Ease With Not Knowing?
Being at ease with not knowing is a skill that can bring us enormous peace and calm. It can free us from anxiety, alleviate us from suffering.
What if we can simply stay with the state of not knowing. What if we can just be with that feeling that arises when we don’t know the answers: To accept that feeling as the reality of the present moment and not want to change it in a hurry. What can that feeling we experience in our body tell us about the way we think about life, ourselves and the “unknown” that we are dealing with?
Living in the Now
Whenever we detect ourselves in the state of not knowing and trying to change it, we basically try to live in the future. That takes us away from the present moment. Especially when it’s not just about a trivia question but about these questions or expectations that really bug us.
Our meditation practice helps us to stay in the present moment and be okay with not knowing what’s going to happen. Whenever we don’t know something that we cannot possibly know, we can return to our breath and arrive back in the present moment. Peace of mind can come back to us that way, any time of the day.
It’s a practice and none of us is perfect at it. Every time we do it, we become better at it, like honing a skill or a craft. So, this week, let’s take extra care of recognizing this particular state of mind: restlessness, despair, anxiety or something along this line caused by not knowing. Whenever we become aware of it, let’s take three deep breaths and make peace with it. That’s all we need to do.
Contentment Through Not Knowing
And perhaps when we are okay with the not knowing, we are happy with what is, we are content with reality as it is and not as we want it to be. Then we move into a state of openness. From this state we are more receptive to answers, we are more open to whatever the new phase may be. Then when answers are revealed, we are able to embrace the new reality with open arms, with more joy and enthusiasm. And even if that new reality is unpleasant or not what we had planned for, we can come up with a wholesome, uplifting response to it. We can respond to that new situation with compassion, wisdom, and patience instead of anger, irritation, and repulsion.
Introspection Exercise
What are the things that you are experiencing that fall into the “I do not know” basket that fills you up with unease, discomfort, impatience, and a host of other feelings?
Take a moment now to do the following exercise: Write down on a piece of paper a response to the following questions. Feel free to draw out your feelings instead of writing them. You can also respond using phrases and words instead of full sentences if that helps you do the introspection exercise.
1. What do you not know right now?
2. How does that make you feel? And where in the body do you feel it?
3. What if you could be at ease with the state of not knowing? What if it were okay for you to not know? How would that feel?
4. Now take a deep breath and arrive into the present moment.
Thank you for joining us/reading/watching this post. See you next time!
Peace,
Sophia + Cristof
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