Contentment

Dhamma Talk + Guided Meditation Session 032: Aug 12th, 2020, by Sophia Ojha Ensslin and Cristof Ensslin

Banner Photo by Eleanor

Introduction

What are you yearning for in your life? Reflect on it for just one moment and see if you can articulate it in a few words.

Then whatever answer arises, ask yourself then what? Until you get to the very core of what it is that you want. Do that and email me your findings. No seriously, I'd love to know.

Sort of in the same line of thought, I have another question for you: What if you were already content? What would it be like to feel content right now? 

If you don't resonate with the word content, replace it with what works best - fulfillment, alignment, satisfaction, feeling of having arrived, this is it, all is well feeling, immersed in love for life, I am peace, I am, enlightenment, awake, present, or something along those lines.

Read on below or download the prinable version of it on your right, watch the talk and meditate with us by playing the videos to your right.

Dhamma Talk by Cristof and Sophia + Guided Meditation by Sophia

Handout

This week we have prepared a 6-page handout for you. It is posted left/below as blog content. Plus, you can download it as PDF by clicking on the following button:

What Do We Really Want From Life?

In the end, all that we aspire, is to be happy or content or peaceful or [fill in the word that you resonate with from the exercise above]. How is that?

Let’s look at an example. Let’s say, I want to earn a certain amount of money - let’s dream big: I want to earn a million dollars. Yeah, baby! Let’s go for it.

Why do I want that? I can buy whatever I want to (within reason), I can travel the world, I can live a comfortable lifestyle, I can help people in need, make generous donations, etc. 

Ok, great. But we shouldn’t stop here: why do I want to be able to buy whatever I want? Why do I want to travel the world, live a comfortable lifestyle, help people in need, and make generous donations?

Maybe the answer is “I want to feel secure”, “I want to be respected,” “I want to feel that I’m making a difference”, or something on those lines. So from the material reasons, we’re moving to emotional reasons.

Again, let’s not stop here. Why do I want to feel secure? Why do I want to be respected or feel that I’m making a difference?

Because I want to be happy. Because I want to feel content, at peace, fulfilled, satisfied. Now we may be getting to the core of it.

Then What?

Have you ever noticed that even when we do get what we want, the happiness we get from it is usually not very long lasting? In fact, it is fair to assume that we get used to the new status quo within days or weeks, depending on the scope of the achievement.

For example: we wanted to live in a stand alone house and made that dream happen in April. The place was move-in ready, so a blissful few weeks followed. Then reality hit, we still have to work to earn a living, we still have to go grocery shopping, we still have to take care of our car, we still have to take of our health, and, of course, we now have to take care of the new abode. Weeding, cleaning, and repairs, that’s all on us now. Making decisions about tree trimming, interior design, and the HOA’s road maintenance - the ball is in our court.

While we’re still happy and grateful and convinced it was the right decision, the initial bliss has faded. We are now used to the new comforts. We now have different needs, wants, and aspirations. Like that, it is with everything we achieve.

So, then what? Then we want new chairs, save up for a deck repair, and may even need a car that is more suitable for the gravel road that leads to our house. Why do we want those? Obviously, because, in the end, we think we’ll be happy and content when we have them.

The reality is that after those things are in place, we’ll have new wants, new needs, new problems. Getting them will then finally make us happy, right? 

Wrong. They in turn are followed by new wants and aspirations. That’s how our human mind is primed to work.

The Investment Banker And The Fisherman

Here is a little fun story. It’s not from us, and you may know it already, but it’s still fun.

Picture a fisherman in a small fishing village on a Mexican coast. He’s not rich, in fact, he’s rather poor, financially. But he can feed himself and his family and is happy with his life. 

One day, after bringing in the day’s catch, he’s enjoying a relaxing hour on the beach next to the harbour in the late morning sun. That’s what he always does, because that’s what he enjoys. 

On this particular day, a successful investment banker, on vacation from New York, walks up to him and asks him: I’ve observed you for the last week. You go fishing in the morning and sell your catch in the market, everyday. All you get is enough money to barely feed yourself and your family. I am an investment banker and can teach you how to get really rich. Then you can get anything you’ve ever wanted, for yourself, your wife, and all your kids.

“Okay,” says the fisherman, “tell me.”

This is what you do. You take a loan to buy a bigger boat and hire a crew. The larger daily catch will get you more money with which you can service the loan. You’ll even have a profit left over. It’s more work, because now you have more boat and net maintenance, more staff responsibilities, more meetings with lawyers and bankers. But you’ll earn handsomely. 

Then you’ll qualify for even more loans, so you can build a larger and larger fishing fleet and make more and more money. Then you can buy everything you’ve ever wanted and live a comfortable, exquisite life. You’ll even have time to retire and relax on the beach.

“But I can already do that now!?”

Why Not Be Content Right Now?

The moral of the story is to be happy with what is. What we want in life is to be happy and content and at peace. So why not be that already now and not wait for some achievement to happen which will only make me happy for a few days or weeks?

It is possible to be happy in every moment. All we have to learn is to make peace with the present moment.

In meditation, that’s exactly what we practice. Instead of striving for something, we just sit down, relax, and observe. If we sit down in order to strive for blissful feelings or spiritual awakening, we are missing the point. 

Gaining insights that lead to enlightenment may be the goal of the meditation, and utter bliss of a relaxed and peaceful body may be a very welcome side effect or even the means to get there. But we don’t strive for anything. We just create the right conditions for these things to come into being and observe what happens.

In daily life we can do that, too. Work on creating the right conditions for a certain goal to happen, then let go, observe, and learn. Then repeat. No striving, no craving, no aversion for a lack we’re feeling, no jealousy over what others may already have, no desperation, no frustration necessary. Just one iteration after another, while resting in contentment and being happy and grateful for what already is.

Content Doesn’t Mean Complacent

When I suggest someone to practice being content, the most common objection that I hear is that complacency results in an inevitable downfall. That is absolutely true. We’re not suggesting to become complacent. (Definition of complacent according to Google: “showing smug or uncritical satisfaction with oneself or one's achievements”.) 

Being content and being complacent are two completely different feelings. Complacency is based in arrogance, leads to laziness, and will most surely send one into the dark. Contentment, on the other hand, is a sort of gratitude for all there already is. 

Being content means that the mind focuses on what we already have and allows us to think clearly of what needs to be done with the situation at hand. A content mind acknowledges reality and therefore knows that life is ever-changing. So, a content mind is ready to be active and respond wisely to the moment.

With a content mind, one can go for any goal or dream and never feel that anything is lacking on the way.

Conclusion

What are you yearning for in your life? Getting to the bottom of whatever our first (and most likely superficial) answer to this question is, we can investigate two lines of contemplation.

First: Why do I yearn for that? Then: why is that? Then: why is that? Then again: why is that? If we go deep enough, we’ll find that all we yearn for is to be happy, content, and live in peace.

Second: Once I get what I want, then what? And then what? And then what? This contemplation allows us to realize that we’ll never be really satisfied for good, no matter what we achieve in life.

We can, however, learn to be content right now. We can make peace with what is, fully accept the present moment whatever it presents to us - whether it’s the most blissful experience or the most tragic turn of events. From peace comes clarity as to how to appropriately respond to any and every situation.

Mind you, we are not condoning complacency here. That’s a totally different pair of shoes and should be abandoned. Being content allows us to realign with our goals at any moment and work diligently on putting the right conditions in place to make our goals coming true an inevitability - no striving, cringing the teeth, or bloody knuckles necessary, just patience and persistence and an open mind with the readiness to learn.

Just like we just mentioned, with a content mind, we can make anything our goal and never feel that anything is lacking on the way. Ever mindfully, patiently, and step by step we learn to put the right conditions into place.

Meditation is our practice ground for this, as we continuously observe what’s going on. Mindfully we work in order to bring back our attention to the breath or any other meditation object. We do this work by fully accepting the present moment, being kind while diminishing anger and resentment and frustration, and being very gentle with our own mind and our surroundings, wishing no one any harm, including ourselves.

With that in mind, let’s practice contentment in meditation together now.