Session 021: How to Live Together Peacefully
How to Live Together Peacefully
Dhamma Talk + Guided Meditation Session 021: May 27th, 2020, by Sophia Ojha Ensslin and Cristof Ensslin
Banner Photo by Gavin Tyte on Unsplash (Location: Achnashellach, Strathcarron, UK)
Introduction
Last week, we started learning a story from the Upakkilesa Sutta. The Buddha walked away from a monastic dwelling when a peaceful togetherness wasn’t possible any longer. He had tried to appease the quarreling parties, but was faced with the response to basically mind his own business.
It’s a very real story, taken seemingly out of our modern life. Haven’t we all encountered such situations? I’m sure, all of us have, on both sides of the mediation process:
As a quarreling party we feel in the right, so nobody should interfere with us. An ego reaction, of course. If we had a balanced, equanimous mind state in the situation we could let go or at least zoom out of our viewpoint and agree to listen to the mediator’s suggestions. In most situations, I’d say it would be better to listen.
In an arbitrator’s position we’ve all been told off to bugger off at least once in our life. That can be very hurtful, because we can so clearly see that if the fighting parties just loosened their grip a little all sides would benefit. Most often, any peaceful settlement beats a continuation of the dispute.
Dhamma Talk (Cristof)
Guided Meditation (Sophia)
Handout
This week we have a 5-page handout. It is posted below as blog content for you. Plus, you can download it as PDF by clicking on the button below:
If we’re hurt, we tend to hurt others - on any or all of the three levels of intensity: with thoughts, with words, or with actions. The Buddha, in the story from the Upakkilesa Sutta, takes the high road and withdraws from the situation. The words he uttered upon departure seemed completely equanimous, free from anger or hurt.
The story in the sutta continues, so let’s dive into the next part of it.
Customary Greetings Among Monks
The Buddha leaves the riled up scene in Kosambī and wanders off. He first reaches a hermit who hosts him for a brief part of the day. He is greeted with respect, given a seat and water to wash his feet.
After settling down, the Buddha starts the conversation with the customary greeting between monks. It goes like this:
“I hope you are keeping well, bhikkhu, I hope you are comfortable, I hope you are not having any trouble getting almsfood.”
Upon which the other venerable replies:
“I am keeping well, Blessed One, I am comfortable, and I am not having trouble getting almsfood.”
Basically, they are checking in on each other in regards to health, having an abode, and getting enough food to eat. The two and a half thousand year old version of “How’re ya doin’” - “Couldn’t be better”.
Then the recluse receives a teaching on meditation and life, motivating him to continue the practice, basically a dhamma talk, after which the Buddha moves on.
He then reaches a place called Eastern Bamboo Park, which is the residence of three monks. There’s a park keeper who doesn’t recognize the Buddha and asks him not to disturb the meditative peace of the small monastic community. This shows us that to non-monks and non-nuns, the Buddha, when being without an entourage, looked pretty much like any other monk. There was nothing special about his robes or belongings.
But the senior monk of the group, Venerable Anuruddha, overhears the conversation and, in a very friendly manner, informs the park keeper to let the Buddha, their revered teacher, enter.
The Ideal (Monastic) Community
All three resident monks of East Bamboo Park come together with their guest of honor, and, after the same ritual of seat, washing bowl and greetings, the Buddha asks about the monastic harmony. Once they respond that they get along very peacefully, he asks them how they achieve that.
They then point out several attitudes and actions that bring about their concord:
They keep in mind how fortunate they are to live with such like-minded companions. That’s the practice of gratitude!
They do acts of kindness for each other - whether seen or unseen by the recipient or observers.
They speak kindly and gently with each other - whether in public or in private.
They think good thoughts about and send good wishes to each other in their mind - basically keeping an attitude of metta and doing metta meditation.
Do what and behave like the other community members would prefer it - basically helping each other at all times.
In the sutta, the monks summarize the effects of these guidelines for a harmonious community like this:
“That is how, venerable sir, we are living in concord, with mutual appreciation, without disputing, blending like milk and water, viewing each other with kindly eyes.”
They then, when asked, go on explaining in more detail how they share chores, which so often can be a source of household disharmony:
“Venerable sir, as to that, whichever of us returns first from the village with almsfood prepares the seats, sets out the water for drinking and for washing, and puts the refuse bucket in its place. Whichever of us returns last eats any food left over, if he wishes; otherwise he throws it away [...]. He puts away the seats and the water for drinking and for washing. He puts away the refuse bucket after washing it, and he sweeps out the refectory. Whoever notices that the pots of water for drinking, washing, or the latrine are low or empty takes care of them. If they are too heavy for him, he calls someone else by a signal of the hand and they move it by joining hands, but because of this we do not break out into speech. But every five days we sit together all night discussing the Dhamma.
In other words, they do whatever needs to be done, without fretting over who should do it this time because of who did it it last time.
They also share a common interest, a common goal: practicing the Buddha’s teaching, the dhamma, to make progress on the path to spiritual liberation. For that, they sit together and talk about it. About everything else, they only talk when really necessary and beneficial, so to make sure that only kind words come out of their mouth.
We Can Produce Harmony Ourselves
Just like these three monks visited by the Buddha were living together so harmoniously, we can, too. The secret to it is a set of principles of mutual respect:
Keep an attitude of gratitude. Be grateful that you have this person as a companion or community member.
Do good without expecting anything in return.
Speak kindly to each other and about each other.
Think thoughts about each other that focus on the good traits in the other, and send good thoughts to each other (practice of metta).
Help each other whenever possible; and, at least sometimes, do what the other wants you to do.
Do the chore at hand without keeping track.
Have meaningful conversations about a shared interest or goal (e.g. your spiritual development) regularly.
Is this easy to implement? Sometimes it is, sometimes it isn’t. It’s a practice. We gradually become better at it. If we slip, there’s no need to feel bad about ourselves or beat ourselves or each other up for it. Upon realization, we just apologize and start the practice again. That’s how good and wholesome habits are built over time in general, and that’s how we can take responsibility for domestic harmony in specific.
Harmony at home and around us is essential to deepen our meditation practice. It provides for a calm and peaceful mind. The calmer and more peaceful our mind is outside of meditation, the deeper our mind can get absorbed in meditation. Deeper meditation allows for deeper insight, which we can bring back into our everyday experience and live a happier life.
In the final part of the Upakkilesa Sutta, the Buddha teaches the three monks in East Bamboo Park how to go deep in meditation. We’ll go into that in one of the next sessions, probably next week.
For now, let’s practice meditation.
Resources Around the Upakkilesa Sutta
Online: Ajahn Brahm’s Sutta Class “MN 128 Upakkilesa Sutta (Imperfections)”: https://youtu.be/myY8aPvbdXI
Online: Bhikkhu Sujato’s English translation: https://suttacentral.net/mn128/en/sujato
Online: Bhikkhu Bodhi’s English translation: http://www.yellowrobe.com/component/content/article/120-majjhima-nikaya/302-upakkilesa-sutta-imperfections.html
Online: Mettiko Bhikkhu’s German translation: https://suttacentral.net/mn128/de/mettiko
Print: Majjhima Nikāya, translated by Bhikkhu Ñāṇamoli and Bhikkhu Bodhi, Wisdom Publications, 1995
Peace,
Sophia + Cristof
