Session 016: The Thief Who Is Robbing Your Peace & Happiness

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Let’s talk about this thief who is robbing our peace and happiness!

Talk:

Guided Meditation:

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Handout

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The Thief Who Is Robbing Your Peace & Happiness

Talk + Guided Meditation Session 016: Apr 22nd, 2020, by Sophia Ojha Ensslin and Cristof Ensslin

Introduction

You have heard this many times - you are your biggest enemy. And you are the only one who can make you happy. It’s in your hands. No one else is responsible for your happiness. “You’re the boss”, as Venerable Robina says.

What exactly do I mean when I say “we are our own biggest enemy”. You know how in general social ways of relating, there is “us” and then there is “them”. We tend to think that the “them” or the others out there are what cause us misery and harm. The threat is out there - it’s the other people with bad motives, it’s big business, government or politicians, it’s other countries, it’s Covid-19, it’s natural disasters, and if all else fails it’s the aliens who are going to get us. Just watch Hollywood films and see who they deem as the villains! 

The Thief Within Us

With reflection and spiritual practice, one comes to realize that it is not all of those things that are going to get us. In fact, there is one thief who steals our happiness and sense of peace and calm. This thief is the real “enemy”. Who is this thief? It is this voice in our minds that speaks of expectations. The threat then is within us and not coming from outside.

Expectation is the real thief. When we live a life filled with expectations, then our experience of life becomes riddled with struggles and challenges. Disappointment, frustration and eventually depression takes over us because of this voice of expectation. 

Before I go on, I want to make clear I am not speaking of hope or aspiration - which are positive outlooks on what will be. As soon as that is tinged with the hook of “this is how it should be”, that’s when it turns into a nasty strain of virus that suffocates our breath and makes life unbearable.

The Problem Lies With Wanting

The problem with expectation is that it is married to wanting. We either:
A. want something to be a certain way, or
B. want something to not be a certain way.

We start of with some flavor of A or B. And then when reality shows up and it doesn’t fit our pre-determined course of how things should or should not be, that’s when we are faced with a series of unpleasant emotions ranging from minor irritation to full blown anger.When the technology fails when we need it, when the client changes an appointment, when a virus brings our entire life to a stand still, when more paperwork is needed than previously outlined (for mortgage), when neighbors complain about your cats roaming around, when you feel physically tired when you wanted to have energy, when people mingle at close distance in the middle of a pandemic, and so on and so forth (insert a version of A or B here)...

...that’s when our mind roars to say,” I don’t like this because it is not fulfilling my idea of A”. Or a thought arises, “I don’t like it because it is not my idea as outlined previous in B”.

You can see how we then, or rather, our expectation then, is the true enemy, the real threat.

A Different Approach

What if we took a different approach? What if we understood the nature of reality, of how life is. If we understood that life will throw challenges at us. People will say or do things that they say or do. Diseases will happen. Things will go on and take its own course. Things out there are on their own rhythm and have their own way of working. Nothing is owed to us. We are not entitled to an easy life with no problems. This is in no way being pessimistic. It’s recognizing the nature of things. We accept this.

And then, from this starting point, we bring in our creativity, our kindness and compassion, our resourcefulness to change things and make a positive impact wherever possible.

There’s a saying that I have heard some Germans say, “Ah, mach’ts nicht. Das ist compaining auf hoch niveau”. In other words, “Ah, it doesn’t matter, it’s just me complaining on a high level”. Meaning: all is generally well but I prefer things to be this way.

Why complain at all? Why not just know that things are likely to not go as you had planned or as would be pleasant and smooth. And then when that happens, see what you can do about it in a positive, kind, compassionate way. This way of living life frees us from the burden of wanting the outside world to be a certain way - something it cannot give us. Once we come to terms that this is the nature of life for all of us not just for me or you, then we can act from a place of empowerment and put our resources in place to tackle the situation.

“When we resist what is, what we resist persists.” - someone smart said that. If we then accept instead of expect, we can take the pinch out of whatever is happening. Like Ajahn Cha used to say: Whenever someone was bothered by noise, he would say, “Don’t disturb the noise”. I’ve used this approach when a car alarm went off in my neighborhood - after a second of thinking, “I am not going to disturb the noise”, it starts to not have a negative effect on me. It’s just sound without causing dis-ease in me.

I will end here for today and let’s step into our meditation practice now.

Peace,
Sophia + Cristof

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