Blog #140: Overcoming the Pressure For Excellence

Being an expert on a topic is great. And hopefully, you are on the journey to becoming good at whatever it is that you want to do.

But right now, if you don’t consider yourself an expert, let that not stop you from starting. How?

You do that using three specific ways of thinking that I will share in this article.

The Excellence Pressure & The Heavy Mental Cost
There is a real drive for excellence in our culture. Whether it is getting straight A’s, being multi-disciplinary or well-rounded in all subjects, and earning a high income, the emphasis on being really really good is tremendous. It comes from our parents, our friends, from pop culture and media at large. Some of it is also self-created, of course.

Although creating excellence in any field is a worthy aspiration, the pressure when not handled right starts killing our spirits and our creativity and unfortunately, also literally killing us. It can show up in being prone to illness, becoming unhealthy in our food intake, and postponing movement. It shows up in emotional distress and the inability to deal with setbacks we face in life such as heartbreak, job loss, or other types of hardships, and sadly, shows up as countless people of all ages succumb to the pressure that leads to suicide.*

The need to be good, nay, excellent at something even before one has begun is something I have felt every time I write a blog or Medium article. I feel it before I post on Linkedin or begin to create content for YouTube.

These are some thoughts that fly through my mind:

I am not an expert. This exact topic has been written about by people before. And they have written better pieces of work. Plus, they are Stanford or Harvard professors who have written books and taught the subject for decades.

So the conclusion I make is:

Whatever I say or write will be irrelevant, will not be excellent, and cannot be of value as a result. Thus, no one will watch it or read it. I should just give up, curl up in a ball, and go hide under a rock.

Yes, I know. It’s intense!

This is something I have often felt; far too often. I felt it before writing this article.

And I share this because there is a false sense of perfection that we feel the need to present to the outside world. How many times have you put your “game face” on right before a client call on Zoom, having just cried your face off a few minutes before? I have. Plenty of times.

While researching for this article, I came across this article in the New York Times* about the “practice of acting happy and self-assured even when sad or stressed”. The article presents this description of students on college campuses who feel the pressure to put up a positive front even when they are facing hardships:

”In 2003, Duke jolted academe with a report describing how its female students felt pressure to be “effortlessly perfect”: smart, accomplished, fit, beautiful and popular, all without visible effort. At Stanford, it’s called the Duck Syndrome. A duck appears to glide calmly across the water, while beneath the surface it frantically, relentlessly paddles.”

The Duck image says it all.

Translate the above to the pressure of perfection in writing and creating content and you get the point.

To break this chain of thought, I then, have to actively remind myself of a few very healthy, wholesome pieces of advice:

1. “What a terrible conclusion!”

First, “What a terrible conclusion!” This makes me laugh because it’s a line from one of my favorite SNL skits ( see 1.48 seconds into this clip or watch the whole 5 min! The Nuni’s (Natalie Portman) new boyfriend Geoff (Jason Sudeikis) asks whether Gorillas were killed to make the “hair chair” he is sitting on. Then the mom, Nuni (Maya Rudolph) responds, “What a terrible conclusion!” in the most funny way, at least to me. And it makes me laugh each time. My husband and I say this line to each other whenever we have a misunderstanding of some sort and we break into laughter.

This is a scene at our home: One of us says,” The cats look hungry. It seems that no one fed them.” To which one of us replies, ”What a terrible conclusion!” We both break out in laughter.

Okay, I digress.

So I remind myself that because I am not an expert or don’t have degrees or decades committed to the subject, doesn’t make my writing any less valuable. “That’s a terrible conclusion”, I say to myself. By that logic, no one would ever say a word or write a thing until they had already reached excellence. This of course doesn’t mean I don’t work towards excellence. But on the path to it, I can still be making a difference.

2. Make a Contribution to the Conversation

Denise Duffield Thomas of the Lucky Bitch books has a piece of advice that I want to share with you. She says to think about anything you are doing as “making a contribution” to the conversation. She is a money mindset author and coach. When she was starting out, she understood that there were other money experts out there like Suze Orman. But instead of letting that discourage her, she decided to contribute to the conversation of improving our money mindset - sharing her angle, her thoughts, her experiences.

I love that. Because now, with that kind of approach, the pressure is off. You are contributing to the conversation not necessarily having to be the last word on any topic.

3. Be an Enthusiast
Another way to think about it is how Gary Vee puts it: Be an enthusiast.

Create content and in doing so, show your enthusiasm about a topic, you get to learn about yourself and what you are curious about. Share your enthusiasm on the topic and you don’t have to be an expert.

Don’t claim to be an expert. Simply share your enthusiasm!

So whether you remind yourself of “what a terrible conclusion!” you are making when you count yourself out or to contribute to the conversation or be an enthusiast on a topic, remove the pressure on yourself that is stopping you from creating and bringing your gifts to our world.

This is a surefire way to remove the fear of not being perfect in what you are creating. Let there be typos. I have seen typos in best-selling New York Times books that had a team of editors and years of production time. Allow yourself to be human! This advice is for me as much as for anyone reading this article.

All of this will help you to create, innovate, and move forward. It will remove the hurdle of waiting until you are great at something.

Start now.

Do this now.

And the fruit of this process might just be you demonstrating excellence.

Share your experience with this in the comments. I would love to know what goes on your mind when it comes to creating.

PS: For more tips and invites to trainings on how to grow your freelance online business, join the Abundant Creative Newsletter here.

Sources:

Robinson Ph.D., Bryan. “Grappling With The Rise Of Work-Related Suicide During The Pandemic: How To Support Yourself And Fellow Coworkers.” Forbes, 5 Sept. 2020, https://www.forbes.com/sites/bryanrobinson/2020/09/05/grappling-with-the-rise-of-work-related-suicide-during-the-pandemic-how-to-support-yourself-and-fellow-coworkers/?sh=6aa65bf548d2 Retrieved on Feb 6th, 2024

Scelfo, Julie. “Suicide on Campus and the Pressure of Perfection.” The New York Times, 2 Aug. 2015, https://www.nytimes.com/2015/08/02/education/edlife/stress-social-media-and-suicide-on-campus.html Retrieved Feb 6th, 2024

SNL. “The Art Dealers: Their Daughter’s New Boyfriend” YouTube, 1 Feb 2018, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xVqagvk7dLw

GaryVee. “A Rant That Will Destroy Your Imposter Syndrome On Social Media” YouTube, 9 Aug 2022, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KpVX4jJNu4k