096: The Poison of Comparison

As web design business owners who want to grow our businesses, we are often on the look out to learn from others. We see successful designers or online entrepreneurs and get inspired. But sometimes, our mind goes into thinking we are not good enough thoughts. Here’s my experience with this tendency and how I help myself get back on the right track.

It happens much less often to me than before but it does pop-up from time to time in my mind. Thoughts that say:

”I am not there yet.”
”I am not good enough.”
”She can do it, then, why can’t I?”

Let’s talk about the last one because it can throw you off when you least expect it. It happens like this: You are working on client projects. You are working on your acquisition goals, creating the content and then some how you land on a post or and email or a piece of content created by one of the entrepreneurs you look up to. Someone whom you admire for what they have built and how they show up in the world.

At first, there may be a sense of amazement and wonder. But out of nowhere you may start thinking, “Ah, man, how come this is not happening in my business. How come I am not there yet! How is it that she can do it and not me? What’s wrong with me? I am not good enough. I am still not there where I want to be!!”

The Poison of Comparison
Let me give you an example. I recently saw something written by someone I am a huge fan of. This entrepreneur has really helped me through her videos, blogs, courses, and her books on up-leveling my business. I am totally inspired by her and uplifted by her. And have been for several years. She has built multi-million dollar business while having a busy life and raising a family and that’s just been awe-inspiring for me.

So, in one of these posts she wrote about the importance of creating content and how she has not missed writing and sending out a weekly newsletter for the last 12 years or so.

When I read that, I was first amazed. “Ah, that type of consistency is remarkable”, I thought. Then, I began feeling this sense of lack. I know that I have created lots of youtube videos, spending hours and hours on creating and editing them. This blog itself is no. 96. But I definitely have not been able to publish on a weekly rhythm for years on end. And this awareness of not having been able to produce such regular content started to gnaw at me, to bother me.

But this type of thing has happened before and I caught myself this time.

And if I don’t catch it in time, these thoughts can spiral downward and can lead to a full-blown pity-party mired in self-doubt and feeling a sense of overbearing burden and struggle.

I don’t hear many web designers talk about this. This is not in our content feed - at least, not in mine. But I feel it is so important to talk about this. Because these types of mindset obstacles set us back more than any gaps in skills or knowledge around web design and marketing.

It’s this mental virus of comparison that often poisons our progress to greatness.

Rebuttal like a Lawyer
So what to do about it?

1. The first thing to do is to simply become aware of the type of thought that’s emerging and the feeling that you are getting in your body. I often feel a heaviness in my chest and a tension in my shoulders. And breathe into it. It’s important to not fight that feeling but step into awareness and acceptance: “Ah, okay, this is not feeling very good. I am having this type of thought right now”.

2. Then, you have to put on a lawyer hat. Lawyers present evidence and they make a case for why they support a certain statement. When you have these thoughts of “I am not good enough” or “why have I not done like so and so”, you must bring out the rebuttals. You present statement to your mind that support the contrary.

For example, you can begin by saying, “I am good enough. Look all the _________ you have created or done (insert success evidence)”.
Then bring up a very true statement such as, “You cannot compare your success trajectory with someone else’s. There are so many different factors involved. And we are each on our path.” Being Buddhist, I also remind myself of Karmic patterns and that often soothes me.

So we need to offer rebuttals to our selves on why we cannot be comparing ourself with another. And also present all the good things we have done and accomplished despite challenges and roadblocks. “Look at what you have done even though you faced ________ (insert past struggles challenges, and roadblocks).

There are other ways to go about it but the important thing is to remember that we need to help ourselves and lift ourselves from thought patterns that are not helpful. And we need to that actively. Catch yourself when you find thoughts of comparison showing up - even if in a small way. We can begin to train our mind on the small occurrences - which is easier to do than when it’s full-blown pity-party!

This is a message for any web design business owner who is driven to create success in her business. This mental roadblock may emerge on your path in different forms and it’s important to address it now with love and kindness.

Well, I hope you found this helpful. Thank you for reading and I wish you a peaceful and harmonious day.

To your success,

Sophia